Afraid

My heart is beating very fast now. Real fast. It's been some time i got a feel like this. The last one is when i get caught by my mom when i ‘ponteng sekolah'. Really very scared that my mom will beat me and then tell my dad.

But now, it's a completely different story. I don't dare to expect much. I know how you feel last time when u always say that word to you. Maybe i need to be punish for those things i've done last time. The whole year, i live with a wound in my heart hoping to recover soon. Everytime the wound almost healed, sure something will happen and make the wound become worsen.

This kind of feeling is totally unbearable. Disgusting. I feel i'm really bad last time for causing you such pain. I totally sure what you've been through last time, i get it twice as much as you do. I'm already immune to those pain but now a new challenge has come and i have to deal with it. I hope i can fight through this with minimum of pain or have you by my side.

At least i know what i want now and in the future. I won't let this spoiled what i've planned. I will do what possible to achieve my goals. I will never failed because i've lots of confident. Before new year, i sure can get rid of this but either in a bitter or a sweet way.